The great glove parade

The other day at about 6:20 a.m., I am getting in my car and recognizing how ridiculously, unbelievably, unabashedly cold it is. I am also remarking at how I don't have gloves. Thus begins my intrepid expedition to find gloves to wear.

I finally got some today, after going to two Targets, a Meijer, an Old Navy and finally a K-Mart. Why are winter gloves so fucking hard to find? What is it about them that makes finding them an elusive treasure worthy of some Discovery Channel-style documentary? "Shh...there they are...they can smell your fear, just hide hear and watch them in their splendor."


I went into Old Navy and asked the girl working there, and this is the very brief conversation that took place:

"Hi, I was wondering if you had any gloves?"
She hesitated, tossing her head to the side as a gesture of uncertainty. "Mmm, no, I don't think so, sorry. I think all we have left are some women's scarves."
I laugh to myself for a second, questioning the similarities between a women's scarf and a pair of gloves. "Uh...well, that's kinda close, huh?"
"Well, if you're good at sewing..." She responds with this, while making sewing gestures with her hands.
"Hm. Well wouldn't you know it, I left my sewing machine in my other pants. Thanks anyway."
"Sorry, have a nice evening."


All we have left are women's scarves? How does that help my cause? In what fucking dimension would a woman's scarf be a suitable substitute for gloves?


"Hi, I'm looking for a baseball bat."
"Sorry, all we have are water balloons."
"Ah, well that will do, thank you."