Holy shit it's been awhile. A lot of things have happened. Here's the short list:
-Got married.
-Went on honeymoon.
-Got in trouble at work.
-Repeat #3, a few times.
-School rocks.
-Bought a Wii.
-Got another kitten.
-The kittens fight.
-A lot.
Getting married was a lot of fun. The rehearsal was...interesting, thanks to a church-employed wedding planner who sucked. She was wearing a black sweatshirt with a kitten on in, playing amongst cattails. Say more? No need. The ceremony went well. The reception, while it had its difficult moments, was a lot of fun. I won't talk about the rest of the night, after the reception.
The honeymoon was amazing. It was an Eastern Caribbean cruise, a week-long one. It was amazing just to get away from everything we have going on here, let alone being in 80-degree plus, sunny-ass weather. We met another couple on their honeymoon from Ontario, and we spent a lot of time with them all week. We took a hike along the coastline of St. Maarten, and we ate a lot of food. A lot. It was fantastic.
Now I'm on winter break from school, but I still have my part-time job to go to. If only I had a full-time teaching job.
If only.
If only.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Things are changing.
I've been in all weekend, taking care of Amy, who's been de-wisdom teeth-ed. It's been a nice little vacation, just a 4-day weekend. I've been watching a few movies I've always meant to (High Noon, THX 1138, White Heat and The Dirty Dozen), along with a few Netflix picks (Vantage Point, Gone Baby Gone and We Own the Night). Avoid Vantage Point at all costs.
Over the 4-day weekend, things are changing for me. In order to take a full-time building sub job at a local school district, I had to vacate the position I've been holding for 2 years at work. Over the weekend is when someone else takes over, so when I'm through with my 4-day weekend, everything will be different for me there. It's like a reboot.
It's weird - the whole time I've been there, I've been trying to climb up - get promotions and raises and higher positions. Got shot down almost every time. Now I'm all but leaving. I could always tell that I'd be able to go far in that company, given the time. And given the chance, I would have. But something else came along that I've always wanted. Now that I'll be going part time, I'll be treated like a nobody.
But it goes with the territory. That company is for people who put full stock in its philosophies. For true believers - and to be honest I never was one. I could fake it, for the paycheck. But now it's a matter of time before I won't have to anymore.
Over the 4-day weekend, things are changing for me. In order to take a full-time building sub job at a local school district, I had to vacate the position I've been holding for 2 years at work. Over the weekend is when someone else takes over, so when I'm through with my 4-day weekend, everything will be different for me there. It's like a reboot.
It's weird - the whole time I've been there, I've been trying to climb up - get promotions and raises and higher positions. Got shot down almost every time. Now I'm all but leaving. I could always tell that I'd be able to go far in that company, given the time. And given the chance, I would have. But something else came along that I've always wanted. Now that I'll be going part time, I'll be treated like a nobody.
But it goes with the territory. That company is for people who put full stock in its philosophies. For true believers - and to be honest I never was one. I could fake it, for the paycheck. But now it's a matter of time before I won't have to anymore.
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
You should enjoy this video
Proper post to follow, but for now, please watch this video I posted on YouTube earlier this evening. And witness. The Power. Of Private. Dancer.
And Headband Lady, also known as Groom's Mother.
You're welcome.
And Headband Lady, also known as Groom's Mother.
You're welcome.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Overheard at work
A woman with a 4 or 5-year old boy (who was, oddly enough, standing up in the back of the cart), comes up to get a coffee sample.
"Ooh, this coffee's from Ecuador. Can you say 'Ecuador'?"
"Eck-a-dor!"
"In Ecuador, they 'hola!' Can you say 'hola'?"
"Yes."
I wish I could be able to write this kind of gag myself.
"Ooh, this coffee's from Ecuador. Can you say 'Ecuador'?"
"Eck-a-dor!"
"In Ecuador, they 'hola!' Can you say 'hola'?"
"Yes."
I wish I could be able to write this kind of gag myself.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Clearly this is new to me.
A few weeks ago I joined a gym, at the behest of my lovely. Get in shape for the wedding, that sort of thing. Now, at the particular gym I joined, all new members are signed up for a free session with a personal trainer. The idea is, you get a taste of what it's like, and then they sit you down for the sales pitch. So, when I scheduled a time to come in, they gave me homework: they needed to know what three goals I had for working out and they needed a list of ten foods I had eaten in the past few days. I go to the gym, homework in hand, and meet the guy who is going to personally train me. There are two things I noticed about him immediately. First, when we shake hands, he goes for the "I WILL CRUSH YOUR EXISTENCE!!!" handshake, while I go for the traditional "I am a normal human being" handshake. The second thing I notice is his hair. Now, here is a fellow whose entire personality is concentrated in his handshake and haircut. He has the short, spiky, highlighted tips hair with the wave up in the front. Here's how our first conversation went, for the most part:
"Okay, what are your goals?"
"Well, I'd like to lose 10-15 pounds, tone up in the mid-section area and build up muscle in the shoulder/arm/back area."
"Okay, and about how many calories do you eat in a day?"
"Oh, uh, well, for each item I eat, I keep track of the calories, but I don't really know what it adds up to at the end of the day."
"Oh, okay, well, how many calories is each thing you eat?"
"Typically about 100-200 calories, and I eat 2-3 meals a day."
"Wait, wait - so you're only eating 300-600 calories a day?"
"What? No - that's each ITEM I eat...I eat more than 300 calories a day."
"Oh, okay."
At this point I'll skip forward, to where he's telling me the same thing about 3 different ways.
"It's good that you've lost so much weight so far, but now you want to build muscle, because you don't want to burn muscle away, do you understand?"
"Yes."
And then he kept saying the same sentence over a few times, but this time, instead of saying, "do you understand?" he'd say, "right?" or my favorite "do you agree?" Why would I disagree with that? Basically he's a terrible salesman and he's making up for the fact that he doesn't know a whole lot about what he's talking about by reiterating the one thing he does know over and over again. Anyways, at this point he takes me over to the treadmill, gets me going on that for a warm-up, and says he'll be back in about 5 minutes.
5 minutes later, he returns with a girl in tow. "This is Abbey, she's going to do your session today, and after that we'll talk about how it went."
Abbey asks me if I've ever done this before, and I say that, no, this is something I have never done before. So we start with a quick balance check, which I'm not very good at because I suck. Now, since I've never had anything to do with a personal trainer, the only point of reference I have as to what the dynamic is is, of course "The Simpsons," which tends to be my default point of reference for anything I have no experience with. So, that means my idea of what a personal trainer is is someone who tells you what exercise I'm going to do, and then yell catch phrases at me while I'm doing them. I generally regard them to be outgoing and, well...not stiff. So instead of someone going, "Alright, three more!" or "Keep going, don't stop!" I got something more along the lines of, "That wasn't good. Do it again." or "You're not lunging far enough." The way she acted towards me led me to believe that I had consistently cut her off in traffic for a week straight, or that I had raped her. Which is not true in either case, because those both seem like the sort of thing someone would remember. The other thing I remember her doing was, when we'd finish an exercise, she would just go, "Come on." and then just walk away. I'm in the middle of recovering from my last lunge, which means I have to concentrate all my energy on two things: a) lifting my legs and standing upright, and b) not soiling myself; this woman just leaves.
She also lied to me. Well, she didn't lie to me, she just didn't tell me the whole truth. There I was, laying on an inclined bench, feet in the air, ready to do sit-ups. She informs me that, while I am doing sit-ups, she will be lobbing a basketball at me, and I'm to catch the ball on my way down, and without letting my back hit the bench, throw the ball back to her on my way up again. However, she neglected to tell me that the ball weighed 15 pounds. I had to learn that one the hard way. This bit of information would have prevented me from uttering, "Aw, fuck!" when I just about fall off the damn bench.
As we finish the workout, the girl tells me I did a pretty good job for a first time. This is encouraging. Then she brings me over to the first guy, Mr. Personality, for the sales pitch. Now, at this point, the best way to describe my demeanor is semi-conscious. So, this makes it easier on someone who has no abilities as a salesperson. Now, I've already decided I don't really want to pay for this service, so ultimately my answer will be no. But I've got to sit through it. Now, during the first part, I mentioned the wedding as a motivation to get in shape, and that the Lady is already a member, so he uses that angle. Basically we could pay for 5 sessions a week, and the two of us can split them. I said that that sounds alright, but I would have to talk to her about it to see if we could afford it. He says that if I sign up today, I won't have to pay the $100 service fee (there's always a service fee). I said that I understand all that, but it's still a lot of money, and we're paying for a lot of the wedding ourselves. This is the gist of our final exchange, before we say good day.
"Well, if you sign up today, I don't think she'll be upset, do you?"
"Hahahahaha......oh, uh, listen, I have to talk to my fiancee about this, alright? I'm not prepared to make a decision today."
Laughing at someone usually forces someone to back off a little. This is something I've learned in life.
"Okay, what are your goals?"
"Well, I'd like to lose 10-15 pounds, tone up in the mid-section area and build up muscle in the shoulder/arm/back area."
"Okay, and about how many calories do you eat in a day?"
"Oh, uh, well, for each item I eat, I keep track of the calories, but I don't really know what it adds up to at the end of the day."
"Oh, okay, well, how many calories is each thing you eat?"
"Typically about 100-200 calories, and I eat 2-3 meals a day."
"Wait, wait - so you're only eating 300-600 calories a day?"
"What? No - that's each ITEM I eat...I eat more than 300 calories a day."
"Oh, okay."
At this point I'll skip forward, to where he's telling me the same thing about 3 different ways.
"It's good that you've lost so much weight so far, but now you want to build muscle, because you don't want to burn muscle away, do you understand?"
"Yes."
And then he kept saying the same sentence over a few times, but this time, instead of saying, "do you understand?" he'd say, "right?" or my favorite "do you agree?" Why would I disagree with that? Basically he's a terrible salesman and he's making up for the fact that he doesn't know a whole lot about what he's talking about by reiterating the one thing he does know over and over again. Anyways, at this point he takes me over to the treadmill, gets me going on that for a warm-up, and says he'll be back in about 5 minutes.
5 minutes later, he returns with a girl in tow. "This is Abbey, she's going to do your session today, and after that we'll talk about how it went."
Abbey asks me if I've ever done this before, and I say that, no, this is something I have never done before. So we start with a quick balance check, which I'm not very good at because I suck. Now, since I've never had anything to do with a personal trainer, the only point of reference I have as to what the dynamic is is, of course "The Simpsons," which tends to be my default point of reference for anything I have no experience with. So, that means my idea of what a personal trainer is is someone who tells you what exercise I'm going to do, and then yell catch phrases at me while I'm doing them. I generally regard them to be outgoing and, well...not stiff. So instead of someone going, "Alright, three more!" or "Keep going, don't stop!" I got something more along the lines of, "That wasn't good. Do it again." or "You're not lunging far enough." The way she acted towards me led me to believe that I had consistently cut her off in traffic for a week straight, or that I had raped her. Which is not true in either case, because those both seem like the sort of thing someone would remember. The other thing I remember her doing was, when we'd finish an exercise, she would just go, "Come on." and then just walk away. I'm in the middle of recovering from my last lunge, which means I have to concentrate all my energy on two things: a) lifting my legs and standing upright, and b) not soiling myself; this woman just leaves.
She also lied to me. Well, she didn't lie to me, she just didn't tell me the whole truth. There I was, laying on an inclined bench, feet in the air, ready to do sit-ups. She informs me that, while I am doing sit-ups, she will be lobbing a basketball at me, and I'm to catch the ball on my way down, and without letting my back hit the bench, throw the ball back to her on my way up again. However, she neglected to tell me that the ball weighed 15 pounds. I had to learn that one the hard way. This bit of information would have prevented me from uttering, "Aw, fuck!" when I just about fall off the damn bench.
As we finish the workout, the girl tells me I did a pretty good job for a first time. This is encouraging. Then she brings me over to the first guy, Mr. Personality, for the sales pitch. Now, at this point, the best way to describe my demeanor is semi-conscious. So, this makes it easier on someone who has no abilities as a salesperson. Now, I've already decided I don't really want to pay for this service, so ultimately my answer will be no. But I've got to sit through it. Now, during the first part, I mentioned the wedding as a motivation to get in shape, and that the Lady is already a member, so he uses that angle. Basically we could pay for 5 sessions a week, and the two of us can split them. I said that that sounds alright, but I would have to talk to her about it to see if we could afford it. He says that if I sign up today, I won't have to pay the $100 service fee (there's always a service fee). I said that I understand all that, but it's still a lot of money, and we're paying for a lot of the wedding ourselves. This is the gist of our final exchange, before we say good day.
"Well, if you sign up today, I don't think she'll be upset, do you?"
"Hahahahaha......oh, uh, listen, I have to talk to my fiancee about this, alright? I'm not prepared to make a decision today."
Laughing at someone usually forces someone to back off a little. This is something I've learned in life.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Blarney!
In observation of St. Patrick's Day, I had a few thoughts to put down. Here is why I morally object to St. Patty's Day.
1) I understand Irish culture, for the most part. Obviously, since I'm not Irish, I won't get it completely. However, I don't think I need it shoved down my goddamn throat. Yeah, I get it. You're Irish and you're proud of it. I don't care. At. All.
2) Speaking of my non-Irish heritage, I find the "everyone's Irish today" gesture a bit much. What if you don't want to be Irish for a day? What If I'm happy with my Italian/Polish/Slovenian/French Canadian/Scottish heritage? Is that wrong?
3) I don't particularly care for Irish music, and I don't want to hear it at work all day. The thing is, I don't think I would mind it if the Irish haven't bestowed upon us the abomination that is Riverdance. I mean, come on. Haven't you done enough?
4) Do college students really need another reason to get completely blitzed? They can't think of enough on their own?
5) I don't appreciate the co-opting of the color green.
6) While we're on the subject of green, if I don't wear it today, I get pinched. So, not only is it encouraged that I wear a stolen color, it's enforced. I've had a standing order since I was about 19: if you pinch me on St. Patrick's Day, I will destroy you.
6a) What about the colorblind? Should they be punished just because they don't know they're not wearing green?
7) Green beer? The only thing more disgusting than that is the fact that for at least two weeks after the 17th, the beer at our favorite local taverns slowly decays from a bright green to a putrid pukey green, until eventually the beer returns to its normal state.
8) Maybe this is just from my personal college experience and maybe you've never heard of this, but Kegs 'N' Eggs? Fuck you.
9) Finally, the fact that those of us who don't celebrate tonight have to put up with increased traffic cops on the roads, and the hungover asses of those that did celebrate tomorrow at work.
Now, here's the disclaimer. I don't have anything against the Irish. They have some wonderful whiskeys. So don't take this as an affront to your entire culture, just today.
Now, sleep!
1) I understand Irish culture, for the most part. Obviously, since I'm not Irish, I won't get it completely. However, I don't think I need it shoved down my goddamn throat. Yeah, I get it. You're Irish and you're proud of it. I don't care. At. All.
2) Speaking of my non-Irish heritage, I find the "everyone's Irish today" gesture a bit much. What if you don't want to be Irish for a day? What If I'm happy with my Italian/Polish/Slovenian/French Canadian/Scottish heritage? Is that wrong?
3) I don't particularly care for Irish music, and I don't want to hear it at work all day. The thing is, I don't think I would mind it if the Irish haven't bestowed upon us the abomination that is Riverdance. I mean, come on. Haven't you done enough?
4) Do college students really need another reason to get completely blitzed? They can't think of enough on their own?
5) I don't appreciate the co-opting of the color green.
6) While we're on the subject of green, if I don't wear it today, I get pinched. So, not only is it encouraged that I wear a stolen color, it's enforced. I've had a standing order since I was about 19: if you pinch me on St. Patrick's Day, I will destroy you.
6a) What about the colorblind? Should they be punished just because they don't know they're not wearing green?
7) Green beer? The only thing more disgusting than that is the fact that for at least two weeks after the 17th, the beer at our favorite local taverns slowly decays from a bright green to a putrid pukey green, until eventually the beer returns to its normal state.
8) Maybe this is just from my personal college experience and maybe you've never heard of this, but Kegs 'N' Eggs? Fuck you.
9) Finally, the fact that those of us who don't celebrate tonight have to put up with increased traffic cops on the roads, and the hungover asses of those that did celebrate tomorrow at work.
Now, here's the disclaimer. I don't have anything against the Irish. They have some wonderful whiskeys. So don't take this as an affront to your entire culture, just today.
Now, sleep!
Sunday, March 09, 2008
A continuing series
Reason #4765 why I love my fiancee:
After being snowed in for about 36 hours, Amy and I ventured out into the open world, down the street to Meijer. While in the store, walking between aisles of Rubbermaid trash bins and wool socks, a ridiculously garbled overhead announcement came on, something that was completely incoherent to those not accustomed to the intricate overhead speaker system at Meijer.
Amy's response:
"Wow, apparently Gorth from the planet Zorbo had an anncouncement to make..."
Will you marry me?
After being snowed in for about 36 hours, Amy and I ventured out into the open world, down the street to Meijer. While in the store, walking between aisles of Rubbermaid trash bins and wool socks, a ridiculously garbled overhead announcement came on, something that was completely incoherent to those not accustomed to the intricate overhead speaker system at Meijer.
Amy's response:
"Wow, apparently Gorth from the planet Zorbo had an anncouncement to make..."
Will you marry me?
Thursday, February 28, 2008
First Video!!!
I have a lot of things to catch up on: A trip to Nicaragua for which I promised to create a journal and a powerpoint presentation in particular. However, my first priority was to do something with the Flip Video Camera Nick and Hanna got Amy and me for Christmas. I got nagged a few weeks ago when I a) didn't bring the camera home to obtain new footage, and b) haven't posted any of the previously recorded content. So, to rectify this, here's a short clip of some footage I shot on New Year's Eve at Nick and Hannah's in the Nasty Natti. Naturally, it's of Nick dancin' up a storm.
More to come. Come back soon...
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
A Better Outlook
This afternoon at work I was in the bathroom and I saw someone at the urinal peeing, only his arms were resting on the separators that stick out of the wall. If he were driving and instead of peeing, talking on the cell phone, hands-free would've been completely normal. But in the bathroom, this is not something you see everyday, which is why I took notice. However, it was kind of refreshing to see, as weird is it sounds to say. This is clearly the most laid-back approach to urinating I have ever seen. We should all adopt a similar attitude.
Monday, January 07, 2008
Scatterbrained
A few updates:
Amy and I started Weight Watchers last Thursday, and I wouldn't say I hate it, but it's a little rough for me. Usually what happens is that I'm starving throughout the entire day as I try to use up as little points as possible, and then after dinner I have about 10 points left that I roam around the food-areas of our apartment trying to use up.
I bought a Nintendo DS last week, too, and Amy was against it, viewing it as money that could have been put towards the wedding. At first. And then I convinced her to buy Cake Mania, a computer game she loves, and I taught her how to play Brain Age. She played Cake Mania for about 4 hours one evening. I am not joking.
Our cat ate some fucked up shit around the house last week, including a whole band-aid and a few scraps of a post-it note, and threw up about 5 times overnight (the band-aid I found still whole in the vomit), so she's been sick the past week. We've called the vet approximately 1,763 times, and I think she just doesn't like her food. She'll eat a little bit, nowhere near her normal amount, and later on try and eat one of her toys. However, for the little amount she's eating, things are entering and leaving her body in the normal fashion, so we're not too worried.
I leave for Nicaragua on the 20th, and I can't help but feel anxious about it. I can't say I've ever been afraid of flying, though I've never been a huge fan of the hassles it puts me through (waiting in line to check-in, waiting in line for a security check-point, waiting at the terminal, waiting to take off, the cramped seats, being fearful that whatever schmo I sit next to will be a huge fatty, thus making the cramped seats feel even more cramped, my ears popping, invariably having to wake-up whomever I sit next to because I will inevitably have to use the bathroom during the flight, getting used to a different time-zone, figuring out where the hell I'm supposed to go after I land, and so on), but for some reason this particular flight makes me feel a little more anxious than usual. And, of course, I don't speak Spanish. So there's that. Also, I'm pretty sure I'm going to buy a Canadian flag patch to paste onto my bag.
Okay, here's something I didn't plan on writing. I just saw an ad for a new gameshow called "Moment of Truth." You know that one scene in Meet the Parents where Robert Deniro sits Ben Stiller down and hooks him up to the truth machine-thing and asks him a bunch of awkward questions? Well, that's the plot of the "Moment of Truth." A person gets hooked up to the machine in front of a giant audience (and, of course, viewers at home) and sits their loved one, like, right in front of them. They then ask them questions like (and I'm not making these up at all), "Would you donate your kidney for your father?" and my favorite - the one they asked the guy with his wife sitting right there, "Have you ever touched a female co-worker inappropriately?" Now, instead of extrapolating this into larger social issues about the state of entertainment in our society and so on like I usually do, I'll just sigh despondently and get back to work hermetically sealing my television.
Amy and I started Weight Watchers last Thursday, and I wouldn't say I hate it, but it's a little rough for me. Usually what happens is that I'm starving throughout the entire day as I try to use up as little points as possible, and then after dinner I have about 10 points left that I roam around the food-areas of our apartment trying to use up.
I bought a Nintendo DS last week, too, and Amy was against it, viewing it as money that could have been put towards the wedding. At first. And then I convinced her to buy Cake Mania, a computer game she loves, and I taught her how to play Brain Age. She played Cake Mania for about 4 hours one evening. I am not joking.
Our cat ate some fucked up shit around the house last week, including a whole band-aid and a few scraps of a post-it note, and threw up about 5 times overnight (the band-aid I found still whole in the vomit), so she's been sick the past week. We've called the vet approximately 1,763 times, and I think she just doesn't like her food. She'll eat a little bit, nowhere near her normal amount, and later on try and eat one of her toys. However, for the little amount she's eating, things are entering and leaving her body in the normal fashion, so we're not too worried.
I leave for Nicaragua on the 20th, and I can't help but feel anxious about it. I can't say I've ever been afraid of flying, though I've never been a huge fan of the hassles it puts me through (waiting in line to check-in, waiting in line for a security check-point, waiting at the terminal, waiting to take off, the cramped seats, being fearful that whatever schmo I sit next to will be a huge fatty, thus making the cramped seats feel even more cramped, my ears popping, invariably having to wake-up whomever I sit next to because I will inevitably have to use the bathroom during the flight, getting used to a different time-zone, figuring out where the hell I'm supposed to go after I land, and so on), but for some reason this particular flight makes me feel a little more anxious than usual. And, of course, I don't speak Spanish. So there's that. Also, I'm pretty sure I'm going to buy a Canadian flag patch to paste onto my bag.
Okay, here's something I didn't plan on writing. I just saw an ad for a new gameshow called "Moment of Truth." You know that one scene in Meet the Parents where Robert Deniro sits Ben Stiller down and hooks him up to the truth machine-thing and asks him a bunch of awkward questions? Well, that's the plot of the "Moment of Truth." A person gets hooked up to the machine in front of a giant audience (and, of course, viewers at home) and sits their loved one, like, right in front of them. They then ask them questions like (and I'm not making these up at all), "Would you donate your kidney for your father?" and my favorite - the one they asked the guy with his wife sitting right there, "Have you ever touched a female co-worker inappropriately?" Now, instead of extrapolating this into larger social issues about the state of entertainment in our society and so on like I usually do, I'll just sigh despondently and get back to work hermetically sealing my television.
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