Some things are better left unexplored

I regret that "Family Guy" came back from the dead.

Why do I say that? Because of a recent interview in which David X. Cohen, one of the creators of "Futurama," was revealing some information about the newly resurrected television show. HE was revealed that it would be aired on Comedy Central, and that this run would take place two years after the original run. He also revealed that the shows would begin by cleaning a little house, as it were. They are going to explore some unanswered questions, such as some details about Nibbler and the Nibblonians, Seymour the dog and also some Leela and Fry relationship stuff.

So why am I worried? Well, because I loved "Family Guy." I came to the show during its run on Adult Swim, and I loved every single episode. I was among the masses, howling for an un-cancellation. And then, when our wishes were granted, I was sated for a time. But slowly but surely, the jokes became repetitive, the plots nonexistent, and the nonsequiters overabundant and way too potheaded. I lost interest, and I haven't watched an episode in a long time. And I'm worried a "Futurama" renaissance will suffer the same fate.

However, working for "Futurama" is the fact the Cohen worked on "The Simpsons" since its inception and has a lot more years of experience under his belt than Seth McFarlane.

I would really have preferred than "Family Guy" stayed dead, leaving us with fond memories and forever wishing for more, but never getting our wish. I really hope that I don't feel the same way once "Futurama" returns to us.

Likewise, "Arrested Development" should never have been canceled, because it was one of the strongest, consistently funniest shows ever. However, it ended on a high note, and it would be folly to pick it up now again where it left off, letting it slowly drain and fade. I would rather it end on a high note, leaving me wanting more, than for it to disappoint over time, fading into obscurity.

So this is why I am anxious for new "Futurama." Like "Family Guy," I started really getting into it during its Adult Swim run, and now it's one of my favorite shows of all time. I really don't want to regret mediocrity.

Strangers with Candy

Of all the TV shows adapted into movies, this has got to be in the top 5. It certainly is one of the most inspired, at any rate. You know there's a movie based on hit show "24," simply because the show is fucking amazing.

Sorry, I just like that show a lot.

Anyways, the origin of this movie stems from the production of the television show. When Stephen Colbert, Amy Sedaris and Paul Dinello were writing, producing and performing in the show, they had a lot of material that wouldn't necessarily fit into a 22-minute episode. They saved it, and at the right time, put the material together into a feature length film.

Most of the original cast has returned, including Jerri Blank's step mother, Principal Onyx Blackman and so on. The only missing pieces are the character Guy Blank, Jerri's walking catatonic father played by Roberto Gari, who sadly passed away before he was able to appear in the film, Orlando, Jerri's loyal friend, and Jerri's step brother. Even Stu the meat man shows up.

The story is a prequel to the TV show, picking up how Jerri reconnects with her father after getting out of jail and forcing her way back into the school she ran away from. The basic plotline other than that is that Principal Blackman, in order to keep the funds given to him by the state, he must show some improvement in student performance. This translates into having one of his students win first place at the science fair. To ensure that his school wins, Blackman brings in a famous science fair winner, which upsets the school's science teacher Chuck Noblet, played amazingly by Stephen Colbert.

One of the amazing things about the television show was the morally bereft faculty and staff that inhabit the school, and thankfully this element remains. After all, the whole idea is a satire about public education by way of cheesy after-school specials where the main character learns the exact opposite lesson they're supposed to. For instance, to try and settle a gambling debt, Blackman offers his debtors a shiny new schoolbus filled with young cheerleaders.

Along the same lines is the obvious political incorrectness that made the show controversial. For instance, when choosing science fair teams, Blackman (there's a joke right there) assigns all the Chinese students to the team he obviously wants to win.

The other thing that played well in the show was how well all of the actors play off of one another. You can really tell by all of the performances that this was a labor of love, and they really just plain enjoy what they're doing. Hell, you can catch Colbert's amazing performace Mondays through Friday's after "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" on his "The Colbert Report."

This show, despite its ending, had a lot of fans. Plenty of whom are more well-known actors and actresses. How else would you get such random performers as Philip Seymour Hoffman, Ian Holm, Matthew Broderick, Allison Janney, Sarah Jessica Parker and Kristen Johnson all in the same movie?

One of the downfalls, from the point of view of someone who's seen every episode of the show, was the repeated lines tossed around. For instance there's the line "I'm not pushing you away, I'm pulling me towards myself." There were a bunch of other ones, I just can't remember them right now.


All in all, this movie is fall-out-of-your-chair hilarious. Its outrageous satire and political incorrectness make it a gem among comedies. You can go watch toilet humor and gimmicks that get worn out five minutes into the film like White Chicks or Clerks II, or you can enjoy Strangers with Candy. It's up to you.


Can I make a suggestion, though? Watch Strangers with Candy.

I can't pinpoint the moment

Today was going well. Work was good. I was selling a lot of coffee - at one point, someone walked away with four bags of coffee, all of which I helped them pick out. I felt good.

And then when I got home I got pulled over.

I was keeping up with traffic, and just happened to be the last one in the line of cars. Sure, I was speeding a little, but what are the odds?

I know I can't contest the citation at all because there were no extenuating circumstances - I was not in a rush, there was no emergency, I was just out.

Now, I believe in karma. The ebb and flow of life. You do something bad, something bad happens to you. If you're a rotten person, then something rotten happens to you.

I can't exactly figure out the karma here.

I was running it over in my head: what did I do to deserve this? Who did I ignore or treat like a jerk?

What luck? Of all the shit I've seen people pull in traffic - on 270 especially - and the whole time my outlook is to mind my own shit. Sure, it sucks when someone cuts me off, but I don't get really angry because I didn't get in an accident. As long as no one gets hit, I really don't care a whole lot.

I'm not one of those SUV driving, speed freaks that rides peoples' asses when they're only going 72 in the fast lane. Neither am I one of those people who go 64 in the fast lane because I'm on my cell phone and I'm not really paying attention.

I'm not even mean to people at work. I tip well and I'm nice to waiters at restaurants. I thank people for helping me find something at a store, even when they don't have what I'm looking for. What, exactly, branded me today for a speeding ticket?

Ah well. Fuckin' cops.

Not a whole lot I can do about it but pay up and move on.





Fuckin' cops.

Something else I decided

The other thing I decided to do on the trip, while seeing a lot of businesspeople with the bluetooth thing in their ears was to get one and wear it all the time, without having it connected to any phone.

My idea was that I would just start talking to no one at all, and as long as I was wearing the earpiece, no one would think I'm crazy.

How fun would that be? To just make up a conversation with no one in public, and it's completely accepted.

Should we jump through the concrete pillar?

Holy crap I am tired. The only reason I'm even awake is to wait for my pizza to get here so that I can go to bed, sated.

I had a long, long day. Today was the day I took the trip out to Rockville, Maryland to learn how to use a new piece of equipment to make my life easier.

I awoke this morning at 3:30, to prepare for my day. My flight was at 6:15, but I'd never been to the Columbus airport, so I left myself a lot of extra time in case I fucked something up. Which, by indication that I actually allowed myself time for this reason, is proof enough that I actually need the time set aside.

I arrived at the check-in counter before any attendants had actually started working.

The flight was fine. Nothing special. I read. Because I can.

When we arrived, we (my boss and I) had to go get our rental car. Our car was in spot H-31, and on the way to retrieving our car, Boss gestures towards a silver Chevy HHR, and says, "wouldn't it be cool if this were our car for the day?"

When we arrive at spot H-31, we realize that it doesn't exist. The H section only reaches 29. An attendant helps us find our car by its ID number and it turns out to be the exact car Boss gestured towards earlier. We marvel at the irony, then hop in.

Since our meeting began at 11, and our flight arrived at 7:25, we had some time to kill. We visited another WFM and I was amazed at how dramatically smaller it was. It was cramped. We then visited a record store that was closing down and I got a few things.

The meeting that we had been flown in for lasted for about an hour and a half.

After the meeting we tried to visit the new store that's opening in January, but Boss accidentally took us in the wrong direction, which happened to be the exact direction the airport was in. So we decided to cut our losses and kill a few hours in the airport bar.

What resulted was Boss and me having a few drinks and playing Travel Scrabble, thoroughly entertaining the bar waiters, who had clearly never seen something like that before.

During the delayed, fully packed flight back, I was offered some peanuts. Having had three pints less than an hour previous, I thought some protein would be good.

On the shuttle back to where I parked my car, an overly presumptuous businessman on the same flight back who introduced me not as just a man with a name, but a man with a name attached to the name of a business. He wasn't just Joe Smith. He was Joe Smith Hertzville Packing Inc. He asked me what I did, and I told him that I'm the coffee specialist at Whole Foods Market. "What's that?"

I then proceeded to tell him what the store was about and what specifically I did, and by this time, all other passengers were intently listening to me describing why Kona is more expensive than almost all other coffees.


When I got back out to my car it had started snowing lightly. The attendant taking my ticket was cheerful despite his cramped and obviously deliriously cold and told me "Merry Christmas."

"Thanks, you too."



I am pretty tired. I've been up about 19 or 20 hours. So I'm going to bed, because I open tomorrow.

It's going to happen

I've come to the conclusion that, when I strike it rich doing whatever it is I will be doing to strike it rich, and I become a millionaire, I am going to donate heavily to Troma Films.

Maybe even finance a feature. Or be in one.

Basically I'm obsessed with Troma.

UHF

This is further proof that my parents have had the biggest impact on my movie tastes. For those of you not aware, UHF is the movie starring "Weird Al" Yankovic, in which he plays the over-imaginative George Newman who gets a chance to manage a short-wave television station.

Not long into the movie, you understand Al's entire being. It opens up into a near shot-for-shot remake of the beginning of Raiders of the Lost Ark. All you see is the hero's back walking through a jungle, and just when the traitorous jungle guide reaches for his sidearm, the hero turns his head slightly, reaches for his whip and cracks it loudly. Just like in Raiders. Except, in this recreation, Al takes off the guy's entire arm.

This short glimpse, not even three minutes into the flick, and you get it. Just as in Al's numerous pop song parodies, the framework and melody remains the same, but a few of the details in between are...just a little off.

Al continues with the Raiders riff and ventures into the cave, veering past obstacles, including about 20 road signs indicating falling rocks. And, in the famous scene with the hero contemplating switching out the prize for a bag of sand, Al hesitates, thinks, gets ready, and at the last second reconsiders and just takes the damn thing.

From this brief parody is a clear message: "Weird Al" loves what he does, and if he wasn't such a big fan of everything he pokes fun at, it wouldn't be funny at all.

At a certain point through the movie, it rolls off like a family-friendly "Mr. Show" episode, meandering from brief spots of the various television shows on the station to the commercial ads featured to pay revenue. One of the best commercials is one for Spatula City. For all your spatula needs.

Something else you may notice, especially if you've seen a lot of sight gag-heavy movies like Airplane!, Top Secret! or any of the Naked Gun movies, is a noticeable volume of fake-out sight gags. For example, R.J. Fletcher, the bad guy of the movie, and senior editor of the local network affiliate, is chewing out one of his office lackeys, a mustachioed man (I love that phrase) wearing a ridiculous-looking cowboy hat, complete with feathers, leather, and a raccoon tail. When R.J. is done chewing him out, he yells, "Now get out of here! And take that thing off, it looks ridiculous!" The man shrinks down a little, dejectedly, sighs, rips off his mustache, and walks away. You wouldn't believe how hard I laughed. Okay, you would believe it. You all know how much of a geek I am for that sort of joke.

One of the big things to point out is that this features a young, pre-Kramer Michael Richards as Stanley Spadowski, the janitor-turned star of the small station. He's wacky, energetic, and kind of a goofball. It's all incredibly endearing, especially his soliloquy using his mop as a metaphor for life during his debut as a kid's show host. Sometimes, you just gotta clean it out and start over.

It occurred to me late in the movie that the main flaw is its limited reliance on one of the most heavily used 80's movie cliches - the rag-tag, underdog crew who takes down the established, and therefore evil, suit.
However, it then occurred to me after that that is an even larger "Weird Al" parody - that of a hackneyed, over-used movie plot. After all, he did co-write the movie. This is what I choose to believe.

This movie is fun, charming at some points and hysterical at many many other points. If you like "Weird Al," any of the ZAZ flicks (Zucker-Abrahams-Zucker, i.e., Airplane!), or other silly movies with well thought-out sight gags, you're going to like this movie.