This is the first in a series of Collegehumor.com original shorts featuring Michael Showalter of "The State," "Stella," and so on interviewing his friends. This first one features one of my top 3 favorite comedians ever, Zach Galifianakis. Watch it and vote for it.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Top ten films I saw in 2006.
I realize this is a little late. However, I feel that as I film enthusiast I owe to at least myself to make a top ten list from 2006. So, here are my ten favorite new films from 2006, in no particular order. You'll note that, although I'm sure there are a bunch of movies that made every other list, I didn't see them and therefore I won't be talking about them at all.
1. Slither: At once a parody of present horror flicks, an homage to past monumental horror flicks, and an original genre entry all its own, this perfectly cast, perfectly delivered film surprised all those who saw it, which was, unfortunately, a dreadfully small group.
2. Casino Royale: If you read my review, you'd have seen that this Bond entry breathed fresh needed air into a series that was dangerously close to parodying itself. It was intense and action-packed. Thank Jeebus for Daniel Craig, who shocked the nay-sayers with his performance.
3. Mission: Impossible: III: I also reviewed this one earlier, and although the bulk of you all hate Tom Cruise for being a nut just like the rest of Hollywood, and he got kicked out of his production company, this film made the Mission: Impossible series a delicious trifecta.
4. Strangers With Candy: I can't believe how funny this movie was. It's one of those classic movies that I'll never get over watching, like Ghostbusters. Doesn't matter how many times I see it, every joke, every performance goes right into my own little lexicon of classics. Everyone in it is mind-blowingly funny.
5. The Protector: At last, one I haven't written about yet. For those unfamiliar, this is the second movie released theatrically in the states by everyone's favorite Muay Thai fighter, Tony Jaa. The nearly 10-minute single-shot scene of him climbing up a set of rotunda stairs, messing up everyone in his way is stunning.
6. Brick: Rian Johnson's genre-melding teen-noir crime drama was thought-provoking and shocking, as well as showing that former teen sitcom stars can be taken seriously. Simply brilliant.
7. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang: Another 2006 DVD release, this one proves that Val Kilmer needs to return to comedies. The Hollywood schmaltz mixed with the dark-underbelly of Hollywood goings-on turned the "movie about Hollywood" (America's Sweethearts, i.e.) on its ear.
8. The Prestige: I just saw this one a few days ago at the cheap seats, so my head's still reeling. But I will say that Christian Bale and Christopher Nolan were meant for each other. The plot twists, the competitive nature between Bale and Hugh Jackman, Scarlet Johansson, and holy crap - is that David Bowie?! The final twist at the end mimics the infamous line about any trick ("Illusion, Michael."): "Well, once you know the trick, it's really quite obvious."
9. Scary Movie 4: I know what you're thinking, and shut up. It was funny, very funny the first time I saw it. It was very much a ZAZ (Zucker-Abrahams-Zucker) film, in he vein of "Police Squad" and "Airplane." And that nature is: do as many jokes as humanly possible, and see how many of them stick. Every ZAZ film needs a straight-shmoe who isn't in on the joke, and for that part Craig Bierko was very adequate. I laughed so hard during the car-door-locking scene. It was funny, and I don't care what you think.
10. Man with the Screaming Brain: This is my non-2006 entry, and it also changed my perception of things. It proved that shlocky, low-budget straight-to-TV movies can be fun, especially if Bruce Campbell can grace it. A pretty funny idea backed by a considerably strong physical performance by Bruce himself, this one is just plain fun to watch. Marvel as Bruce splits his actions as if two people were controlling his brain (because this is pretty much the bulk of the plot).
And that's it for me. Any comments or anything of that nature can be freely posted here. I'd love to hear back from any of you.
1. Slither: At once a parody of present horror flicks, an homage to past monumental horror flicks, and an original genre entry all its own, this perfectly cast, perfectly delivered film surprised all those who saw it, which was, unfortunately, a dreadfully small group.
2. Casino Royale: If you read my review, you'd have seen that this Bond entry breathed fresh needed air into a series that was dangerously close to parodying itself. It was intense and action-packed. Thank Jeebus for Daniel Craig, who shocked the nay-sayers with his performance.
3. Mission: Impossible: III: I also reviewed this one earlier, and although the bulk of you all hate Tom Cruise for being a nut just like the rest of Hollywood, and he got kicked out of his production company, this film made the Mission: Impossible series a delicious trifecta.
4. Strangers With Candy: I can't believe how funny this movie was. It's one of those classic movies that I'll never get over watching, like Ghostbusters. Doesn't matter how many times I see it, every joke, every performance goes right into my own little lexicon of classics. Everyone in it is mind-blowingly funny.
5. The Protector: At last, one I haven't written about yet. For those unfamiliar, this is the second movie released theatrically in the states by everyone's favorite Muay Thai fighter, Tony Jaa. The nearly 10-minute single-shot scene of him climbing up a set of rotunda stairs, messing up everyone in his way is stunning.
6. Brick: Rian Johnson's genre-melding teen-noir crime drama was thought-provoking and shocking, as well as showing that former teen sitcom stars can be taken seriously. Simply brilliant.
7. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang: Another 2006 DVD release, this one proves that Val Kilmer needs to return to comedies. The Hollywood schmaltz mixed with the dark-underbelly of Hollywood goings-on turned the "movie about Hollywood" (America's Sweethearts, i.e.) on its ear.
8. The Prestige: I just saw this one a few days ago at the cheap seats, so my head's still reeling. But I will say that Christian Bale and Christopher Nolan were meant for each other. The plot twists, the competitive nature between Bale and Hugh Jackman, Scarlet Johansson, and holy crap - is that David Bowie?! The final twist at the end mimics the infamous line about any trick ("Illusion, Michael."): "Well, once you know the trick, it's really quite obvious."
9. Scary Movie 4: I know what you're thinking, and shut up. It was funny, very funny the first time I saw it. It was very much a ZAZ (Zucker-Abrahams-Zucker) film, in he vein of "Police Squad" and "Airplane." And that nature is: do as many jokes as humanly possible, and see how many of them stick. Every ZAZ film needs a straight-shmoe who isn't in on the joke, and for that part Craig Bierko was very adequate. I laughed so hard during the car-door-locking scene. It was funny, and I don't care what you think.
10. Man with the Screaming Brain: This is my non-2006 entry, and it also changed my perception of things. It proved that shlocky, low-budget straight-to-TV movies can be fun, especially if Bruce Campbell can grace it. A pretty funny idea backed by a considerably strong physical performance by Bruce himself, this one is just plain fun to watch. Marvel as Bruce splits his actions as if two people were controlling his brain (because this is pretty much the bulk of the plot).
And that's it for me. Any comments or anything of that nature can be freely posted here. I'd love to hear back from any of you.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Continuing permutations
You know those HeadOn commercials that everyone was sick of? Where they just said "Head on: apply directly to your forehead," three times in a row, without any pause whatsoever?
And then, they changed it up and made it pause halfway through, and then had someone come on and express that although the have a certain distaste for the commercials, they rather enjoy the actual product?
Well, now everyone's sick of those. I am, at least. Where did they get the actors for this? The one lady looks like they picked her up from her cardboard box home in the alley behind the studio. Did you see her hair? I mean, talk about bag lady.
"Okay, here's the deal: say you like this, and we'll give you a sandwich."
"Do I get paid at all?"
"No. You'll probably just spend it on liquor."
And then, they changed it up and made it pause halfway through, and then had someone come on and express that although the have a certain distaste for the commercials, they rather enjoy the actual product?
Well, now everyone's sick of those. I am, at least. Where did they get the actors for this? The one lady looks like they picked her up from her cardboard box home in the alley behind the studio. Did you see her hair? I mean, talk about bag lady.
"Okay, here's the deal: say you like this, and we'll give you a sandwich."
"Do I get paid at all?"
"No. You'll probably just spend it on liquor."
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
A momentary lull in activity
Ah, crap I'm bored.
It's my first of two days off.
No Netflix videos coming my way. I just sent away Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter, so I'm awaiting Comedians of Comedy: The Movie.
I went to Best Buy, Half Price Books and Target.
At Target, I bought a Star Wars Lego set, and put together a Chicken Walker while watching "Cowboy Bebop."
I even took a nap for an hour.
It's times like these I miss having any friends at all to hang out with.
Ah, man, what the hell am I gonna do.
It's my first of two days off.
No Netflix videos coming my way. I just sent away Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter, so I'm awaiting Comedians of Comedy: The Movie.
I went to Best Buy, Half Price Books and Target.
At Target, I bought a Star Wars Lego set, and put together a Chicken Walker while watching "Cowboy Bebop."
I even took a nap for an hour.
It's times like these I miss having any friends at all to hang out with.
Ah, man, what the hell am I gonna do.
Monday, January 08, 2007
GO BUCKS!
Ha. Knew you'd read it if I titled it that.
The whole OH-IO thing, the whole "Columbus shutting down for the game that's in Arizona," the whole "Wear your Bucks gear to work," yeah.
It's all trite.
Here's food for thought: I'm willing to bet that more people of voting eligibility will be watching the game tonight than voted in the last election.
Do stores close early when something important occurs? No. But they do for a goddamn football game. Are we a nation of beer-guzzling, shoutin' at the tv, jersey wearin', pig-bellied, idiot fans? Answer: yes.
This is why high schools get no funding for the arts, yet the football team gets new uniforms every single year.
Here's another good example of how out of control sports, and pointedly football, are in the U.S. When T.O. switched teams, his old team basically wanted him to die. There were public displays in the tail-gater areas of fans carrying around caskets with T.O.'s name embossed on it.
Really? That's how you feel about it? Go ahead and lie in that coffin yourself. Because you're the reason this country is seen as a bunch of fucking idiots.
At what point do people can deconstruct football to a bunch of guys running around, throwing a goddamn eye-shaped ball?
Anyway, that's how I see it.
The whole OH-IO thing, the whole "Columbus shutting down for the game that's in Arizona," the whole "Wear your Bucks gear to work," yeah.
It's all trite.
Here's food for thought: I'm willing to bet that more people of voting eligibility will be watching the game tonight than voted in the last election.
Do stores close early when something important occurs? No. But they do for a goddamn football game. Are we a nation of beer-guzzling, shoutin' at the tv, jersey wearin', pig-bellied, idiot fans? Answer: yes.
This is why high schools get no funding for the arts, yet the football team gets new uniforms every single year.
Here's another good example of how out of control sports, and pointedly football, are in the U.S. When T.O. switched teams, his old team basically wanted him to die. There were public displays in the tail-gater areas of fans carrying around caskets with T.O.'s name embossed on it.
Really? That's how you feel about it? Go ahead and lie in that coffin yourself. Because you're the reason this country is seen as a bunch of fucking idiots.
At what point do people can deconstruct football to a bunch of guys running around, throwing a goddamn eye-shaped ball?
Anyway, that's how I see it.
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter
I apologize for the hiatus. I've been too busy/too lazy to do anything about this.
But I come offering one of the most interesting movies you'll hear about.
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is, essentially, a 70's grindhouse flick made in the 2000s, with all the highs and lows inherent within. There's the original idea, the incredibly low budget, the "glorified home-video" feel, the over-the-top bad acting and the rampant blood capsules.
All of those qualities can be seen as both positive and negative.
Here's the premise: mostly female vampires are mysteriously walking around during the day, and only taking lesbians as their victims. The religious community has to get together to stop this, and thus they summon the man himself, Jesus. With Jesus on board, the vampires are sure to stop these lesbo-vamps (un)dead in their tracks. That's pretty much it.
In deference to this flick, I offer a bit of trivia: did you know that JC knows kung-fu? Well, he does. And why shouldn't he? He's no doubt been hanging out with Bruce Lee. He demonstrates his skills as he fends off vampires and, you guessed it, dirty, filthy atheists.
The good: if you love low-budget (Canadian!) flicks with highly original concepts, enjoy getting high while watching movies (I don't, but have been accused), then here you go.
The bad: the dialog goes nowhere from time to time, other than a few hilarious lines that I'll recap, the performances are sometimes a little too over-the-top, and here's the doozy - 20 minutes into the film, JC cuts his hair, gets his ears pierced, a tattoo, and trades in his tunic for black pants and a black t-shirt! What the hell! I wanted to see Jesus Christ whooping vampires, not someone whose name happens to be Jesus.
Here's a good line:
(JC sits in a diner, distraught over getting his ass kicked, and the waitress brings him his dessert, a bowl of ice cream with a bunch of cherries on it. The ice cream starts talking to him.)
JC: Is that you, bowl of cherries?
Ice Cream: Do bowls of cherries talk?
JC: I don't know, I've seen some pretty stuff over the years.
Also, there's a Mexican wrestler called El Santos in it. Natch.
It's cheesy, campy fun. If there were more shots of vampire heads exploding, Troma would've picked it up.
But I come offering one of the most interesting movies you'll hear about.
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is, essentially, a 70's grindhouse flick made in the 2000s, with all the highs and lows inherent within. There's the original idea, the incredibly low budget, the "glorified home-video" feel, the over-the-top bad acting and the rampant blood capsules.
All of those qualities can be seen as both positive and negative.
Here's the premise: mostly female vampires are mysteriously walking around during the day, and only taking lesbians as their victims. The religious community has to get together to stop this, and thus they summon the man himself, Jesus. With Jesus on board, the vampires are sure to stop these lesbo-vamps (un)dead in their tracks. That's pretty much it.
In deference to this flick, I offer a bit of trivia: did you know that JC knows kung-fu? Well, he does. And why shouldn't he? He's no doubt been hanging out with Bruce Lee. He demonstrates his skills as he fends off vampires and, you guessed it, dirty, filthy atheists.
The good: if you love low-budget (Canadian!) flicks with highly original concepts, enjoy getting high while watching movies (I don't, but have been accused), then here you go.
The bad: the dialog goes nowhere from time to time, other than a few hilarious lines that I'll recap, the performances are sometimes a little too over-the-top, and here's the doozy - 20 minutes into the film, JC cuts his hair, gets his ears pierced, a tattoo, and trades in his tunic for black pants and a black t-shirt! What the hell! I wanted to see Jesus Christ whooping vampires, not someone whose name happens to be Jesus.
Here's a good line:
(JC sits in a diner, distraught over getting his ass kicked, and the waitress brings him his dessert, a bowl of ice cream with a bunch of cherries on it. The ice cream starts talking to him.)
JC: Is that you, bowl of cherries?
Ice Cream: Do bowls of cherries talk?
JC: I don't know, I've seen some pretty stuff over the years.
Also, there's a Mexican wrestler called El Santos in it. Natch.
It's cheesy, campy fun. If there were more shots of vampire heads exploding, Troma would've picked it up.
Friday, January 05, 2007
Huzzah
Well, it appears that this is the 100th overall post. To celebrate, I am going to jump right in and do what I started this blog to do: complain about shit.
One of the things that irks me at work is the snootiness of customers when it comes to samples. The mindset is that, "I'm owed this, I expect this, and when it's not here, there's a problem I feel I am the person to bring up."
Another problem with samples is the amount of people that stop by for them without ever buying it. "Just stopping by for my coffee," is something I hear almost everyday. Part two of this is the fact that I have frequent "repeat" customers, stopping by two or three more times to fill up their little sample cups.
That last bit has become so much of a problem that retailers such as Sam's Club has set a few limits. The rule is that every kid has to have an accompanying parent if the little butterball wants a free Bagel Bite.
People get downright mean about it. Yesterday, a dressed-up couple stops by my pump pot, seeking a sample. The man looks at the pump pot's label, and asks me if this is what I had out yesterday. "I don't know," I respond, "I wasn't here yesterday." The man hesitantly picks up a cup and begins pressing down gently on the lever of the pot. The woman comes up behind him and snidely remarks, "That's what they had yesterday," and turns her back immediately. The man looks quickly down at his cup, which is only partly full, and with a "Pfft" tosses it down into the trash bin and walks away.
If that's the way you're going to go about it, I thought, then I don't want you to have any fucking coffee at all. I'll throw it away myself. When was the last time you bought coffee from me? Never, I bet; you're always just passing by for the free shit you think you're owed. It really burns me when people complain about the coffee. I don't know how many times I've been told, "I don't like the dark roasts. You should stay with the lighter coffees." While I'm being told this, of course, the person telling me this is invariably filling up his or her cup anyway.
I don't owe you anything, and you should be lucky I keep putting it out for you. I don't have to keep wasting my coffee away on people who don't appreciate what I'm doing.
One of the things that irks me at work is the snootiness of customers when it comes to samples. The mindset is that, "I'm owed this, I expect this, and when it's not here, there's a problem I feel I am the person to bring up."
Another problem with samples is the amount of people that stop by for them without ever buying it. "Just stopping by for my coffee," is something I hear almost everyday. Part two of this is the fact that I have frequent "repeat" customers, stopping by two or three more times to fill up their little sample cups.
That last bit has become so much of a problem that retailers such as Sam's Club has set a few limits. The rule is that every kid has to have an accompanying parent if the little butterball wants a free Bagel Bite.
People get downright mean about it. Yesterday, a dressed-up couple stops by my pump pot, seeking a sample. The man looks at the pump pot's label, and asks me if this is what I had out yesterday. "I don't know," I respond, "I wasn't here yesterday." The man hesitantly picks up a cup and begins pressing down gently on the lever of the pot. The woman comes up behind him and snidely remarks, "That's what they had yesterday," and turns her back immediately. The man looks quickly down at his cup, which is only partly full, and with a "Pfft" tosses it down into the trash bin and walks away.
If that's the way you're going to go about it, I thought, then I don't want you to have any fucking coffee at all. I'll throw it away myself. When was the last time you bought coffee from me? Never, I bet; you're always just passing by for the free shit you think you're owed. It really burns me when people complain about the coffee. I don't know how many times I've been told, "I don't like the dark roasts. You should stay with the lighter coffees." While I'm being told this, of course, the person telling me this is invariably filling up his or her cup anyway.
I don't owe you anything, and you should be lucky I keep putting it out for you. I don't have to keep wasting my coffee away on people who don't appreciate what I'm doing.
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