Tuesday, May 22, 2007

It's a difference in context

It occurred to me the other day while shopping at Best Buy that I should avoid smiling and saying hello to children while I am not at work.

Because, you see, at work, saying hello to children that are tagging along with their parents is like saying, "I'm really not even trying to sell you something, but if you bought something, gee, that'd be nice."

But a bearded man in his early 20s (but I do get confused for being in the 25-30 bracket), wearing shorts and a t-shirt, perusing the DVD section for anything that happens to be on sale, saying hello to random children seems suspect.

I caught myself waving childishly at an 8 year old when I thought, "If this little boy turns up missing, they're going to review the security tapes at this store and haul my ass in first."

So I just plain walked away and didn't look at anyone else in the store. I thought about how having children makes it okay to say hello to random children, but having none at all eradicates any possibility of being polite without the parent looking at you like you're someone they saw on that show where they trick pedophiles into showing up to a rendezvous, Arbor Mist and condoms in hand, only to find an upset looking reporter and a bored looking camera crew.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Real news

Hello, sorry to break the tradition of the last three or four posts, but I actually had something to say. You see, something very good happened to me the other day.

I got engaged.

A woman actually agreed that spending the rest of her live probably wasn't such a bad idea after all.

Amy, seen here, has agreed to take part in this on Wednesday. I made dinner (Baked, breaded chicken, lemony alfredo sauce served over asiago tortellini) while she took a nap after coming home from dinner, and had it ready when she woke up. We sat down, and before serving dinner, I got down on my knee and proposed. She said something along the lines of "I'll have to think about this." Which is one of the reasons I want to marry her.

Anyway, she said yes and I took away the wine glasses and replaced them with champagne flutes, then took the bottle I hid in the back of the fridge out and opened it. "We have to finish this tonight, you know. Once it sits out too long, you can't drink it anymore."

And that we did.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Another good video

Hey all. I know this is like, the third video I've posted in a row, but hell, it's pretty damn funny. And this was directed by Bob Odenkirk, of "Mr. Show" fame. I will soon be writing a real post, because there's one in order. But watch this for now.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Nothing needs to be said.

Not a whole lot needs to be said about this clip. Just watch it, and you'll understand.


Thursday, May 10, 2007

Cleveland Smith: Bounty Hunter

The following is an old 8mm short by Sam Raimi, starring Bruce Campbell. They did a lot of this kind of thing in high school together, and all of it was this slapsticky. It's actually pretty funny and entertaining. It's only about 10 minutes long, so enjoy. It also features Sam as the Nazi General.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

The world crumbling around me

After a near-collision on 270 the other day, I've come back to the idea that my brother and I used to toss around: we are becoming a minority of saneness in the world, and it will become our undoing. You see, as we became increasingly convinced that we are fast becoming the only sane people in the world, it will convince other people that we are the ones that are bat-shit crazy.

You see, here's what happened: I was in the process of getting off of 270 at Sawmill, where I work, when a small car cuts in front of me, almost clipping my front driver side with their rear passenger side. About a second later, then slam on their brakes. Luckily quick with a reaction, I practically jump on my brake pedal, sending me screeching, fishtailing into the shoulder. Of course, I was angry. Who wouldn't be? This kind of shit happens all the time. It's not special.

But here's what made me doubt human nature: I looked a little more closely into the car that had almost fucked me over and saw two small children in the backseat. And here's my initial and, upon reflection, unchanged reaction: these people are fucking breeding! Not only are there inconsideration, self-obsessed assholes everywhere: on the roads cutting people off, at work treating me like shit, in restaurants the nation over being overly demanding and tipping terribl, and so on, but these people are sexing up people that are the same, thus assuring their children will be brought up to be inconsiderate, under-tipping, demanding idiots.

They keep swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool, and the toddlers keep making the water warmer.

If feeling this way makes me crazy, fuck it: drag me off, kicking and screaming, wearing a restraining jacket into a white padded cell, Ken Kesey-style.