Friday, June 29, 2007

This is what it feels like

Today reminded me of the truly fragile nature of the human mind. At any second, and under the right conditions, any one of us could...just...snap. And we would be lost, adrift whatever we got lost in in the first place.

I'm sitting here watching a movie, halfway through a bottle of red wine. How did I get here, in this frame of mind? You be the judge.

Today was a weird shift for me - a mid. Due to the fact that we've been understaffed this week, it was the only shift in my department for the day. The drive was normal, nothing happened. Of course, when I got to work, walking through the parking lot, I was almost backed into by a woman driving a large SUV, who naturally wasn't looking behind her. It would be folly of me to expect otherwise.

Upon arriving I am notified of an odd shipment that arrived in another department, but that sounds like it should have been delivered to mine. I said I'd check it out. I clock in and check out my backstock, as is my habit. Lo and behold, a considerably large pallet of materials is placed directly in front of a shelving unit of mine, making my product completely and totally inaccessible. Fantastic.

The shipment that arrived was very obviously for me, but the other department started using it, thinking that it really had been meant for them, and they were just changing things up on a complete whim. Because that's how business works.

When I go to check my work email, I am notified of a sale that requires a substantial amount of a certain product tomorrow. However, upon investigating, I find out that the product in question isn't accessibly to me for another 6 days. Couldn't I have been notified of this a whole lot earlier, then we could make it worth something?

This has all happened in a half hour. At the time, I was thinking, "Am I losing my shit? Is this all really happening, or is it in my mind? Am I gonna wake up?" It was real.

On top of that, customers were being really needy and demanding, which did wonders for my frame of mind. Eventually, I go back to the office and someone asks me if there's anything wrong, because I have this bewildered, confused look on my face.
"Well, I was kind of angry before, but now I think I'm past that, and bordering on crazy. Ah, man, I'm fuckin' losin' my mind..."

Later on, near the end of my shift, which was spent dealing with the ramifications of the first half hour of my shift, I begin cleaning my equipment, which I notice is spraying water for no reason. So now I have to deal with this. I call the emergency maintenance who helps me fix it, and it works for a minute. And then it begins spraying water again. So now I'm dealing with customers, cleaning up my area and trying to fix my machine.
I try doing other things to my machine, which doesn't help. Now the machine is inoperable for probably the entire weekend, which makes things look really bad for me. At this point, I'm wondering, "Is Cronenberg running my life? Should I be pulling a gun out of my chest? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH ME TODAY?!" All this while still being convinced that reality is fading away from me, a joke, a punchline that you understand but makes you consider rather than laugh.

So, after leaving, getting stuck in traffic for 40 minutes on the way home and finally walking through the door, I've cracked a bottle of wine and put in a movie...and here I am. My frame of mind being brought from the brink of oblivion by something that sends the rest of you into it. Whatever works, I guess.

Whatever works.

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